


out of touch, out of time

by rainbowrabblerouser



Series: post-canon IT fics [3]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Disney World & Disneyland, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Honeymoon, M/M, Running Away, Wedding Fluff, Wedding Rings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:28:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23619793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbowrabblerouser/pseuds/rainbowrabblerouser
Summary: Richie and Eddie plan to run away.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Series: post-canon IT fics [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1703728
Kudos: 21





	out of touch, out of time

**Author's Note:**

> "Out of Touch" - Hall & Oates

Richie and Eddie make a plan to run away in his car.

First, they’d fake their deaths- Benvolio and Mercutio style.

Eddie would have to sharpen his acting skills and be devastated that Richie died and he’d run off with him like they were Thelma and Louise.

Except they would live, damn it.

It was perfect.

Richie had come up with it while they were hooking up in his car after Eddie attacked him by pushing him against the townhouse wall and making out with him furiously.

It was really hot and madly attractive.

His Eddie hadn’t changed. He was really hot. And so angry.

At everything.

There was something about angry Eddie that got him hard as hell.

“Hey Asshole, hurry up.”

“Of course, darling Eds.”

In between him kissing him so hard he’d feel it in the morning, Eddie muttered, “Don’t call me that, baby.”

“Aw.”

“No, I’m mocking you. You’re weak as fuck. Can’t even top me.”

“Oh.”

So he was running away with this dickhole. 

Amazing.

This was where he’s at.

Middle-aged gay man with a deathwish and cowardly insight.

His glasses were long gone on the floor. 

“Rich, they can’t catch us if we drive fast enough, right?”

“Yeah, fucking Benjamin may be hot, but he doesn’t have a fucking Mustang. Unless architects earn Ferraris as commish.”

Eddie makes it a routine to kiss him to shut his ass up.

“I’m hotter than Ben.”

“That you are, my love.”

So they would run away together.

Like they always talked about as kids.

But where?

Turquoise shop in Arizona was shut down by Eddie. 

“We’d be out of business in a week’s time, babe.”

“We can go to Hollywood, then. They can’t catch up there.”

Richie was, well, rich. And he had a nice place there.

“What about my wife?”

“You don’t have any kids. I say we do the only logical thing.”

“What is that, Richie?”

“I call in a hit on her. Easy.”

“WHAT?!”  
  


He got a slap to the face as he cackled.

Angry Eddie.

His favorite.

  
  


So the plan does not work.

Because Bill is a bastard.

  
Who fucking ruins everything.

The Midas touch of bullshit.

Richie and Eddie do make it out alive.

No thanks to the others.

  
  


They catch Stan on their way out and tell him to just go.

Bill isn’t worth shit.

His wife was just a Beverly bootleg and a Bryce Dallas Howard remake.

He’s a pathetic man.

Richie and Eddie drive off into the sunset. 

Perfectly.

  
  


Of course, Richie copes with his trauma as everyone else should.

Making it a joke.

Eddie gets a front-row seat to his first set back.

  
  


“Never go back to your hometown. Unless your parents are there. ‘F course, mine divorced a long time ago. That’s why I’m so funny. Children of divorce are the most hilarious people. Because they got a sense of humor under all of the trauma.”

Eddie is his personal heckler, funnier than him oftentimes.

Stan shows up on stage, looking lost as fuck.

“Hey, this isn’t my nephew’s bar mitzvah…”

“Everyone, this is Stanley Uris, the bastard who has had to deal with my dumbass since forever.”

“Richie, why are the Netflix people here? Is that Eddie over there?”

Richie would pat him on the back for being a good sport.

“Now, you get a vacation to Fiji! Everyone give it up for Stan the Man!”

Stan laughs as he heads out to the airport.

His wife is so confused by Richie, but then again, he had that effect on people. Many people. Everyone, but one guy.

“So I’m getting married,” Richie yells as he waves his ring around.

It’s a shiny gold little thing. Eddie picked it out when he was too distracted assaulting the mall Santa for being a “capitalist schmuck” or some explicative. That was the moment he knew he needed him forever.

So Eddie marched up to the jeweler and asked for their most shiny ring.

Of course, he had gotten Richie an iridescent rainbow ring on gold that shimmered and shined so much.

He is in love with Richie.

Eddie had fallen hard. He had known that since he was a kid.

All of his teasing and calling him “cute” meant something to him.

Richie still did it. All of it. In public. On stage.

“Ugh. I’m engaged to this cutie. He’s so mean. I love him. I say to him: ‘oh, Eds. I love you.’ and all he gives me is ‘I know’ – oh. Men, right?”

He holds his ring-clad hand and garners more whoops and applause.

Eddie burns in embarrassment. His lover is so shameless.

There wasn’t a person in the world he wouldn’t tell.

The Losers show up in LA to their wedding and just lose it.

All of their jobs were so tedious that a gay wedding was like heaven.

Eddie and Richie were practically handing them an excuse to just get wasted and fuck shit up. Chaos is their brand.

All of them fly out and stay in one of Richie’s houses.

They are not fond of LA traffic and nearly kill a family of four. 

Eddie’s vows are quite short.

“It’s statistically incorrect that I should even live past 35 and get married so good job on skewing data, asshole.”

Richie does a special set.

“Why do stand-up? At my own wedding? Working on vacation? Well, live dangerously, baby! Little Austin Powers reference for you guys.”

Eddie covers his face. Dear God. 

He just had to marry the comedian. Class clown.

“Now. People ask me why I decided to pick my Eds when I could just pick anyone I wanted. Literally. Anyone on the planet. Here’s the explanation.”

The Losers braced themselves for a dick joke.

“It’s like a fucking ruler, goddamn it.”

Hook, punchline, and sinker.

Jesus fuck. It’s not even the worse one.

The next seventeen (17) painful minutes elicit laughs and cries and screams.

He had confetti cannons go off in the middle for dramatic flair.

Eddie wants to smack him, but he gets held back.

Stan was a good choice for the best man.

Later on, when everyone is absolutely smashed, Stan does his speech.

  
“Do you know how many fucking ‘your mom’ jokes I had to hear over and over before this shit happened? I am the most patient man on the fucking planet. I have been through hell. We fought a fucking clown.”

Everyone laughed.

“I need you to understand this. This isn’t a fucking joke. Not funny. I need a therapist after growing up with these two. It’s like reliving your parents’ divorce over and over again. Every week. Every day. A fucking nightmare. Fucking hell.”

Bill is the other best man, but his speech is just him reminding them that dessert wine is out and that this would not have been possible without the power of friendship.

Beverly is too wasted to understand half of it. 

“Can someone turn it up?”

Halfway through “Lose Control” by Missy Elliot, Ben passes out.

Mike is the only one who is awake enough and sober to document the thing. So he does what any smart person would do.

He live streams it.

The man is the Old Spice commercial guy.

He needed something to do to pass the time.

Two of his best friends are married and he is bored.

Life in Florida is just lame. He might as well be living in fake LA. His town was the little blue speck of SoFlo – Pembroke Pines (“More like Pembroke Penis, am I right, boys?” – Richie visited and got bored after too many trips to the mall) – was a small little place you go when you’re ready to die.

Audra and Bill get a divorce soon after. Ironically after the wedding.

Bill and Mike had some weird “unspoken thing” (Richie’s words) going on between them. Like they were a “Will they? Won’t they?” couple on a sitcom they starred in called “The Losers’ Club” and this was their latest hijinks or some shit.

This was the “where are they now?” segment of the movie. Why were they still behaving like they hadn’t changed at all? Like they didn’t grow up?

He didn’t get it.

So when he sees Richie and Eddie having fun like they didn’t nearly die last month or week or just a year ago, he realizes that he didn’t make a mistake.

He called them up for a reason. 

Everything lined up. It seemed like clockwork. Or destiny. Or something. 

“Mike, why aren’t you up and out there?”

Bill asks him why he’s just eating the ice cream cake and sitting around.

“Just trying to enjoy it all while it lasts.”

“Well, I just requested New Kids on the Block, so Ben will wake up soon. He’s gonna lose his shit on the dance floor as best as some middle-aged architect can. So it’ll be awful.”

On cue, the track hits and Ben awakens.

Beverly falls asleep.

The wedding is oddly themed. 

Mike is the only one not in a drunken haze who can attempt to understand.

“Eddie, what the hell is the theme supposed to be?”

“Dude, I let Richie choose everything.”

Mike doesn’t question.

It’s mostly white, like most weddings. Then, there are shiny stars everywhere.

Probably some starry night? He gives up when a robot steps out.

It flashes his laser pointer hand in his face and he just gets out onto the dance floor to join Bill and the boys.

There was a photo booth and they carried Beverly so they could pretend they weren’t totally wasted for the photos.

They lift her up and the stars on the ceiling look too shiny for them.

“Well, that was the last wedding I’m going to.”

Stan shuts everything down when it’s over and kicks out the guests.

  
  


Of course, Eddie takes Richie to the Star Wars land in Disney World.

He pays for the $200 lightsaber ceremony.

Richie gets them the Jedi cloaks and crashes the Millenium Falcon ride and screams when they get shot at while Eddie shoots.

Of course, they do the cheesy photoshoot in front of the castle and the Rapunzel restroom area deal. It’s ridiculous, but the line to meet Mulan is too long so it was good enough.

It was the perfect situation. This was a contrast to Derry’s desolation.

Eddie knew well enough that he had made the right decision.

Turns out they did run away after all.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: @rainbowrabblerouser


End file.
